Arbonne International Reviews

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Market America: A Review Of The Pros And Cons
It's a basic fact anyone involved with operating a website knows. It means any contract that BNI tries to get you to sign after the fact will then change that relationship. When it became clear Iverson was staying in Philadelphia, he and Brown worked to patch things up, and the team would reap the benefits in — Elliott publicly backed Genish after winning control of the board, but tensions have become evident since then. Firstly, people can have extra questions when they are buying. If it successfully ousts the board, the hedge fund believes all possible options for the company could be back on the table. You get paid a cash percentage of all spending resulting from your personal orders as well as referrals.

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Flag as Inappropriate Flag as Inappropriate. Pros - Choose your own schedule - Flexible - Discount on good quality products. Cons - Claim you have a very flexible schedule but in order to move up you need to work your butt off - Compensation plan is not as great as claimed - Lots of hidden costs i.

Advice to Management Be more transparent about the extra costs i. Join the Arbonne International team. See Our Latest Jobs. Pros It is your own business. Cons it is your own business but the company does not advise you of your competition which in my case was 10, Arbonne consultants locally who had saturated the market and therefore although I invested several thousand dollars to start this business it was nothing but a loss for me.

Advice to Management Provide regular training sessions for all consultants regardless of their location. Pros Generous compensation plan Very motivated group of individuals who work closely with you to ensure success, great vibe and friendly people Ability to leverage your time Sustainable, vegan products that are environmentally friendly.

Cons You are your own boss! Pros Create your own schedule and be your own boss we're two of the best parts of the job The products you sell are truly amazing. Cons Having a network of individuals that would be willing to purchase products - being new to a city as a uni student made this a little difficult.

Pros Wonderful people; amazing products; lifestyle benefits. Cons Being a "salesperson" in the eyes of others; having to justify the prices to non-users users understand that you get what you pay for. Pros Unlimited potential as a consultant.

Cons too many changes, complicated new programs. Pros Able to work from home on own schedule while raising children. Cons It's sold as a "dream" with ownership. Advice to Management Be more transparent and stop perpetuating the "you can get rich quick" ideology. Pros Love the flexibility of creating my own working schedule and fitting it around the rest of my life instead of having to be at a job for set hours every day!

Cons If you are not motivated to create your own work or meet up with clients, this will be a difficult job to do. Pros Its not a job it's a wonderful life style!!!!! Cons Cons would only be that you are your worst enemy in that type of work! Advice to Management Keep up the great job! Didn't See That Coming: When Blatter actually did resign, John admits he never thought it would happen. Conversed when talking about mandatory minimum sentencing laws. As an example, John talks about a man who, on his nonviolent first offense, got 55 years in prison without parole for a minor drug charge.

He then shows an interview clip with the judge who passed that verdict and now deeply regrets doing so. In the interview, the judge lists several heinous crimes that would have gotten him lesser sentences specifically 24 years for hijacking an aircraft, 20 years for terrorism, and 11 years for child rape , causing John to point out that, by combining them, this man would have gotten the exact same sentence as a hypothetical "plane-hijacking, child-raping terrorist, a person so evil I legitimately don't know if one has ever existed.

The segment about infrastructure features a clip from a 60 Minutes segment including a comment from the former U. Secretary of Transportation regarding "structurally deficient" bridges: Hold on, hold on, hold on.

When we're at a point where the Secretary of Transportation is struggling between using the word "unsafe" and the word "dangerous", we might have a problem worth fixing. Distracted by the Sexy: During his segment on the Indian election.

Rahul Gandhi, however, is— WOW that guy is handsome. Look at that vest! He's like an Indian Han Solo. Invoked and discussed in a segment about an anti-gambling advert produced by the National Council on Problem Gambling in Singapore at the beginning of the World Cup. In it, a young boy bemoans that his father has stolen his life savings and bet them all on one particular country to win.

It sounds like a good idea for an anti-gambling campaign in theory This, as John points out, makes the kid's father look less like a reckless addict ruining his son's future and more like an incredibly lucky gambler with a knack for picking a winner while on a hot streak. When the fact that Singapore later produced a follow-up ad to save face comes up apparently, the kid's father is still going to gamble away the money he earned on the win , John then screens a series of parodies that show the father making increasingly outlandish and specific bets and the family growing ever richer.

The kid's friends eventually lose pity and tell him to shut up, and then when the final absurd bet the July announcement that Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes were expecting their first child comes true, money starts raining from the sky and the two other kids say "Your dad is the best!

When the American electronics chain Radioshack went out of business after 94 years in actuality, its stores were folded into Sprint as extensions of its existing store chain , John offered the company use of a farewell video that consisted of about a minute and a half of the announcer giving a Cluster F-Bomb to America for making Radioshack's slow demise into a punchline.

At the beginning of the first FIFA segment, Oliver, a self-professed association football fan, explained his conflicted feelings about it thus: The Sausage Principle is where, if you love something, you never want to find out how it's made.

Tonight, I'm going to show you my sausage The entire " ShowUsYourPeanuts" speech. It starts off as a simple crude pun, then whips into a frenzied Hurricane of Euphemisms.

John called for humanity to unite behind saving a lost group of geckos on a Russian satellite, then made a web exclusive sketch when contact with the satellite was reestablished.

Unfortunately, when it was brought back down it turned out the geckos had frozen to death. When Vice Admiral Tim Giardina — who until that point was in charge of America's nuclear weapons stockpile — was caught using fake poker chips, John Oliver's first comment was, ethical issues aside, if he were remotely competent for his position, he would never have been caught.

I'm sorry, but a Vice Admiral has to have the mental fortitude to fool an Iowa pit boss. Revisited when the Secret Service leaked Jason Chaffetz's failed application. John often remarks on how much he loves America and how glad he is to live there, while still making fun of it from an immigrant's perspective. In his segment on civil forfeiture , John plays a clip of a cop trying — and we use that word charitably — to ask a truck driver if he has a large amount of money in his truck.

His attempt, "Tenny mucho mucho denero in su trucky-trailer" though John Oliver mishears denero as De Niro , is so comically wrong that John loves it for just how terrible it is, even noting the sentence's mispronunciations and impromptu shift from Spanish to English.

What the cop is trying to say is "Tiene mucho dinero en su truck y trailer? Actively invoked this on his segment on the so-called "Right to be Forgotten" i. He set up a campaign called "Mutually Assured Humiliation," asking everyone to post the most embarrassing pictures of themselves so that they would not be hidden or revealed against one's will. He even includes a couple of himself — one as a child with a sweater with his own name on it which he says isn't an example, because he actually kind of likes it , and one of him as an incredibly dorky teenager.

You better have fucking done that or I've made a horrible mistake. And I think I've just made a horrible mistake. In his second story about net neutrality, John calls on all the diverse groups of Internet dwellers, even the trolls at 4chan and Reddit who hate him, to come together and support net neutrality, since it's the one thing they can all agree on.

Warner replied with another video that he didn't need a "comedian fool" telling him what to do, scored with absurdly epic music. At this point John actively tried to keep it going by challenging Warner to respond to every one of his own videos in an increasingly epic way, using the same music plus flame jets.

Unfortunately, Warner didn't respond and the incident has yet to be referenced again, not even by the show itself to celebrate John's victory. Even Evil Has Standards: And what was Carey in charge of? And then in his segment on North Dakota's oil business, he states that even Texas bans indemnification clauses clauses in employee contracts that completely absolves the company of any legal fault or obligation to pay settlements in the event of said employee's injury or death in the oil industry, and to emphasize the point, he jokingly states that Texas is so loosely regulated that "their speed limit is 'let 'er rip', and their age of consent is just a drawing of a wink!

You're less regulated than In yet another instance, he pointed out the very telling irony that now-former British prime minister David Cameron 's tax credit reform legislation — which many financial experts said would unfairly hurt the working class and especially single-parent households — was struck down by the House of Lords , the most hilariously, ridiculously "privileged rich British" organization imaginable, because even they felt it was too hard on low-income individuals.

Everything's Better with Monkeys: In his episode on standardized testing, John watches a pep rally revolving around standardized testing that featured a guy in a monkey suit. He decides that's pretty good, and brings his own dancing monkey on the set. However, after seeing the video about a girl who couldn't get into an advanced course because of a standardized test, he explodes at the monkey for making the child cry , and tells him to scram.

He then brings the monkey back as a way to encourage policy makers on how to fix the system. Everything's Better with Penguins: Penguins are featured in the shortened TSA segment partly because as flightless birds, they could only fly with the TSA's help , with John admitting their appearance helps make things happier after a depressing episode.

They're also the only birds exempt from John's "Fuck you, birds! Everything's Louder with Bagpipes: John feigns love for bagpipe music while trying to woo Scotland into remaining part of the United Kingdom in his segment about the Scottish independence referendum. Everything's Precious with Puppies: In order to make Supreme Court hearings more interesting to the general public as the Supreme Court doesn't allow cameras into the hearings , the show staged a hearing using dogs as the justices and lawyers, dropped the raw footage on YouTube , and then basically sat around to allow the internet to do its thing.

In order to prove to Dr. Oz that you can pander without making false claims about products, Oliver brought out an adorable puppy that he literally calls precious. Neither I nor the puppy am making unsubstantiated claims about potentially harmful dietary supplements!

You're not doing that, are you, puppy? Because you don't need to, do you, precious? Exactly What It Says on the Tin: John showing tiny hamsters eating tiny burritos at the end of a segment on capital punishment.

He even invokes this trope with the following quote: There was a YouTube video this week of tiny hamsters eating tiny burritos, and it's as magical and as uncomplicated as you think. During a story on corporate tax evasions, John plays a clip from a statement by the CEO of Apple to Congress, where he denies hiding the company's money in "some Caribbean island". John then points out that the money was actually hidden first in Ireland, then the Isle of Jersey, which are islands, but not Caribbean islands.

John jokingly says that crying in public is punishable by banishment in Britain, and states that the only reason he is in the U.

John's hypothetical campaign ad against Mitch McConnell features nothing but an old man's wrinkled penis. In order to demonstrate the coverage of the Affordable Care Act, John shows a picture of a middle-aged man in a thong, shot from the back: Terrible, but better than nothing. To demonstrate its potential replacement, the American Health Care Act, he has the thong lowered halfway.

Not a deliberately offensive fic, but to quote John: And let me be completely clear about this: This is actually a book for children! This is a real children's book. This isn't some adult book telling Mike Pence to go fuck himself. Although in buying it, that's exactly what you would be doing! In collecting money from municipal violations from those who are too poor to pay, the system will often waste an inordinate amount of resources prosecuting them for that inability, including jail time, the overall cost of which far exceeds any money they might recoup from the offender.

On a similar note, John explains that, due to the ineptitude of the Florida justice system, a sickly, non-violent offender was imprisoned because he could not cover the cost for a public defender, which contradicts the constituional right to be provided a free, public defender if a person cannot pay for a lawyer on their own.

While the state was eventually paid the fee, John notes that it was much less than the money the state paid to imprison him. Invoked deliberately for comedy, mostly coming from external sources; given that the show is uncensored, it often gets downright disgusting.

The fake Mitch McConnell attack ad uses of footage of an old man's naked, flappy dick. In the ALEC segment, two California state legislators excitedly discussing their fondness for spanking into a hot mic; as John himself puts it, they're simply not very good at telling when things are turned on. The Canis Latinicus opening.

When discussing FIFA's request that Brazil change the law in order to allow alcohol in sports stadiums, they played a clip of a French FIFA official, Jérôme Valcke, asking them to do so in a thick French accent, while cautioning that he may sound "a bit arrogant" in doing so. It's not surprising how John continued by mocking him in a thick French accent: After John heavily criticized coal CEO Bob Murray in a segment on coal, Murray sued him for defamation, despite all of the information presented on Murray being either factual or clearly satirical.

True to this trope, a judge dismissed the case in February arguing that the plaintiff's side lacked merit. Fully Automatic Clip Show: Most of the "And Now, This" segments. In his segment on food waste, John is aghast at how excess food production is not only wasting precious water supplies, but all that thrown out food is producing methane, which is a more potent greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide.

The North Dakotan oil industry has damaged farmland throughout the state. Discussed in-depth during the segment on online harassment. Discussed in his discussion on the idea of "Spreading out" vaccines over a longer period of time, as opposed to immediate vaccination on schedule or no vaccination John: The problem is, it's the middle ground between sense and nonsense. It's like saying "It would be crazy to eat that entire bar of soap, so I'll just eat half of it.

During the inaugural episode's profile of India's election, the country's cable news networks are shown to not only have mimicked the American formula pointless cross-talk, quickly moving graphics , but taken everything Up to Eleven in the process. Do you have self-righteous anchors repeating themselves, over and over again?

How dare you say I take money, simply? How dare you say I take money? You say this to me, how can you say I take money? You -- how dare you say I take money, Ms. Holy shit, they've stolen our formula!

Also the adoption of homophobic rhetoric by Ugandan politicians to push for an anti-homosexual agenda, which only came to fruition after a lengthy visit by American pastor Scott Lively. All you [Scott Lively] were saying was "Gay people are evil, insidious Nazis Lively out, Lively out! Lots of fun, right? Good Girls Avoid Abortion: The segment on Crisis Pregnancy Centers CPCs mentions that in order to keep the abortion rate low, and eventually non-existent, they set themselves as alternatives to places like Planned Parenthood.

Oliver also mentions that although they do provide some worthwhile services like parenting classes and free diapers, the attitude of some of these places is, "once the baby baby is born, the mother and child are on their own, lest they become parasites to our organization. Gosh Dang It to Heck! The third season finale ends with a montage of comedians and random New Yorkers declaring "Fuck you, ! Invoked by John in the segment on the Scottish independence referendum.

After citing examples from romantic comedies, he tries to convince Scotland to stay in the United Kingdom by eating a bite of haggis, drinking Scotch whisky, bringing out a pantomime unicorn and listening to bagpipe music. The vote ended with the majority of Scots voting against independence, so mission accomplished.

John's proposed streaming video network Nutflix, where it mostly shows people getting kicked in the balls, which he mentions in his segment about net neutrality.

John notes how season 2 delivered one after another of those regarding prisoners — mandatory minimums overcrowd prisons, bail punishes the poor, public defenders are overworked and understaffed, and people get arrested due to minor municipal violations — and if one binge watches those four segments, it's better to go after some ice cream.

John feigns love for haggis while trying to woo Scotland back to remaining part of the United Kingdom in his segment talking about the Scottish independence referendum.

John Oliver sometimes does this. How John sees Guantanamo Bay. In the October 9, episode's segment on the Cuban detainment camp, he argued that it would be better for the United States to close the facility due to the conditions and the somewhat shaky legal justifications for its existence. The poster for season five shows John with his head on his desk, looking absolutely exhausted.

Here We Go Again! After the elections in the UK, which occurred less than nine months after the failed referendum on Scottish independence, John is aghast that the Scottish National Party has won nearly all the Scottish seats in the UK Parliament, meaning another referendum in the near future is very likely.

The montage of all the times conservatives said Obamacare would soon be repealed ended with one Republican asked whether he'd still try to repeal it, all but saying that he would. Discussed in his segment on The NCAA , where university athletic departments use this to justify not paying their players. Discussed in his May 8, segment on scientific studies seen on daytime network shows. The message of that segment is that the general public frequently misuses science either intentionally or unintentionally to draw conclusions that serve their interests and fail to accurately check the research.

Discussed in relation with the Mosquito Control District Board of Litchfield, New Hampshire — an administrative body comprised entirely of two men in a completely empty room, who nonetheless go through all the proper procedure demanded of their jobs, including reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, calling the roll, and opening the floor to input from a non-existent audience. John even mentions that their admirable level of dedication to a thankless job just makes the apathy they face even more heartbreaking.

The saga of five geckos stranded on a Russian satellite, as told in three hashtags: The segment on auto-lending primarily focuses on these types of dealerships and discusses the major problems they cause.

Mike Bost doesn't quite appreciate sifting through all the bills the Illinois General Assembly has to pass every day.

In his segment on voting, John points out that lawmakers who push restrictive voter ID laws in the name of preventing fraud are often guilty of stealing the votes of their fellow lawmakers during legislative sessions, some even using sticks to log in the vote of their fellow legislators while they're not even looking. He then loses his train of thought and an intern does the same thing for him. I Am Very British: John portrays Trump's Russia scandal as this, referring to it as "Stupid Watergate" , as it has "all the intrigue of Watergate, except everyone involved is really bad at everything.

He'll mock America like no one's business, but he's made it clear he does love living there, and thinks the country has a lot of great things about it.

John taunted Jack Warner while pillars of fire rose behind him he later acknowledged the set nearly burned that day. The "Fuck You " piece in the season three finale earned an explosive visual translation. Discussed during the segment on mental illness. One of the only times people — Republican legislators, in particular — appear to be willing to talk about it is in the aftermath of mass shootings, even though statistics acknowledge that mentally ill people are more likely to be the victims of violent crimes rather than the perpetrators, and each discussion comes off as a diversion in debates over gun control as ultimately neither problem is resolved.

Played straight during the May 22, segment on Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov and his lost cat , with John insinuating that Kadyrov is psychotic for his human rights abuses and his authoritarianism. The Internet Is for Porn: After Jack Warner called him a "comedian fool", John replied that that wasn't an insult so much as his business card. During the Season 3 trailer, John actually agrees with the criticism thrown at him, and he seems less perturbed by the fact that Cher said he had a "wee rat face", and more amazed that Cher acknowledged that he existed!

In both the Season 3 trailer and subsequent social media covers for the show, there are four negative assessments they had to be proud of — along with "comedian fool", there was "more unpleasant than a diuretic", "very boring", and "Makes people dumb". When a British reporter compares Queen Elizabeth II to a train, in that they both just keep chugging along she's Britain's longest-serving monarch , John finds the comparison insulting.

Trains serve a purpose. Everybody thinks of IRS employees as an Acceptable Target , but John explains that IRS employees are not a bunch of evil Obstructive Bureaucrats who take all your money , but an underfunded, understaffed, overworked group of Beleaguered Bureaucrats who are Just Following Orders — and not orders from their superiors in the IRS, but orders given to them by Congress ; orders that they are constantly changing. He also says that there's something heroic about doing an important job that is that soul-crushingly boring.

I Reject Your Reality: John says that the unintentional message of the Republican National Convention is that politicians can treat feelings as fact, regardless of how much the actual facts contradict them. Is the Answer to This Question "Yes"?

When interviewing General Keith Alexander of the National Security Agency, John asked if he believes the NSA is suffering from a perception problem with the American people, telling him to keep in mind that the answer is "yes.

In his segment on diplomatic translators, he claims it will end with you getting mad at a donkey. Because the donkey, named Smoke, was able to be processed and sent to America faster than a person after being taken in by an army base in the Middle East, while a translator who aided the military and is now being hunted for it has taken more than three-and-a-half years.

Yes, a donkey was able to get into America in eight months but the translator took over three-and-a-half years. In the season one finale, John plays a bunch of clips of his sillier moments in the show, such as a breakdancing Abe Lincoln. He then reminds viewers that Lincoln actually went hand in hand with a segment on gay rights in Uganda. Many of the background graphics. It's All About Me: John loves mocking people with extreme egos. The thing is that Sen's only concern was that he bet money on Pacquiao, and he's not exactly someone who can complain about being unfair, considering the corruption and repression that has defined his regime.

John's wife is a combat veteran, so any segment referring to mistreatment of military personnel or veterans is likely to cause him to stop the jokes and become legitimately angry. Similarly, he's a parent, so stories where children are mistreated, especially by those who are supposed to be taking care of them, will get him pissed.

Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique: Deconstructed in his segment on torture. Despite most people, even Antonin Scalia , thinking Jack Bauer's methods work in Real Life , studies have proven that torture is not only damaging to America's reputation, but is completely useless at getting out real information from terrorism suspects, as people will say just about anything their tormentors want to make the pain stop, even if it means making stuff up Jaywalking Will Ruin Your Life: Several lead stories are about how mostly small offenses can lead to huge problems when low-income people have trouble paying the fines.

If someone can't pay the fine off immediately, many additional fines will be added until paying the fine off is all but impossible, at which time they will be jailed for failure to comply; if the defendant attempts to contest the charge in court, they're more often than not issued a court-appointed lawyer who is so overworked they have no time to actually look at a case, and instead prompt their clients to just settle with a plea deal that is usually horribly unfair.

There is also the problem that some states require you to pay for these lawyers yourself — if you can't, you're fined, and the process starts all over again. Jerkass Has a Point: John concedes that Donald Trump had every right to be annoyed at the quirks in the political primary system, which rewarded more delegates to Ted Cruz in Louisiana despite that fact that he lost the state in the popular vote.

Which of course became deeply ironic when Trump won the presidency despite losing the popular vote. Jerk with a Heart of Gold: John's stage persona appears to be a caustically bitter cynic who does not hesitate to tear into human stupidity with misanthropic Gallows Humor and caustic sarcasm; this is however an act to hide the fact he is actually a Sad Clown whose true fury is reserved for the cruel-selfish-and-corrupt who victimize innocent and decent people.

John bemoans an attempt by Lowe's to replace their sales associates with robots. Not because he inherently disapproves of using robots in place of humans, but because robots are fundamentally incapable of performing the real job sales associates are there for: Just Like Making Love: If you loudly announce that you will always come first, you're going to have trouble finding partners. While John Oliver has gone into many dissections of the flaws in America's legal system, he especially views their immigration courts like this.

The narration at the end comments that it makes only slightly less sense than real American immigration courts. John eventually shutters Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption after receiving several bottles of semen, some of which are presumed to be fake and others He considers this the point at which any endeavor has met its end. All the monetary donations were in turn given to Doctors Without Borders.

John points out that the same day that Britain voted for the "Brexit" from the European Union, which some supporters, such as the UKIP, praised as "Britain's Independence Day" — in contradiction to the fact that Britain was already an independent nation, and as John points out, several other countries celebrate the anniversary of their independence from Britain — London itself got trashed in the actual sequel to Independence Day.

In the Canadian anti-adultery advert, the narrator tells lumberjacks to turn off their chainsaws and hockey players to stop skating around. Then it switches to a moose, whom the narrator tells to keep moosing because it doesn't concern him. John's monologue at the end of the French presidential election episode was filmed in black and white, has him deliver the closing monologue in French , smoking cigarettes, and with an accordion player right beside him, while sitting in a bistro overlooking the Eiffel tower.

Lie Back and Think of England: John claims that "feelings are supposed to be irrelevant" is printed on every British marriage certificate. Like an Old Married Couple: Limey Goes to Hollywood: Invoked ; a Running Gag in his show is that John frequently discusses his success in the States when compared to his native UK. After that, he appeared seven times in the first two seasons of Mock the Week , which took him to the middle of After that, he showed up on The Daily Show in July and his career skyrocketed.

The United Kingdom, where I am more commonly known as The Los Angeles Times even asked if the costume designer is so overwhelmed in the creation of silly costumes that as consequence, John only has a wide array of checkered shirts. Using the same "seed faith" rhetoric as several televangelists, John and Wanda Jo urge viewers to "sow their seeds" by donating to Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption, while explicitly stating they want actual money, not seeds.

They receive at least two bags of seeds anyway. This also played a part in why the church was eventually shut down: People mailing them semen. Canadian law prohibits non-Canadians from making statements to influence their national politics. Evidently, it worked, since the next day, Harper lost his re-election. Stating your personal opinion is not considered inducement, and is completely legal When researching the Italian election, John discovered that there is no rule saying that a non-Italian national cannot run for Prime Minister of Italy.

So John promptly put himself forward as a candidate for Prime Minister of Italy. Comes up during one of John's digs at Guy Fieri. Why do you do ziss to yourselves? One of the many ridiculous things John points out about America's nuclear weapons. As in, the launch computers in nuclear missile silos use them. They're the 8-inch wide ones. Those things barely look powerful enough to run Oregon Trail , much less Earth-ending weaponry!

People who work there must watch WarGames and go, "One day, one day we'll get to play with that stuff. They did it by digging up a trade agreement between Australia and Hong Kong, which had a provision that Australia couldn't seize Hong Kong-based companies' properties. So nine months before the lawsuit started, it put its Australian business in the hands of its Hong Kong-based Philip Morris Asia division, and then they sued claiming that the seized property in question were the trade marks on their cigarette packages.

And you've got to give it to them, that's impressive. Someone should really give those lawyers a pat on the back and a punch in the face. But a pat on the back first; pat then punch, pat-punch.

In the fake attack ad against Mitch McConnell. John then hands Snowden a folder containing so we are told a picture of John's dick. Snowden's reaction suggests John isn't kidding. The episode focusing on Crisis Pregnancy Centers CP Cs ' mentions that they market themselves as alternatives to places like Planed Parenthood to make sure women don't get abortions.

Oliver also mentions that these places offer parenting classes,and even free diapers. He then explains that CP Cs ' not only oppose abortion, but also don't provide contraceptives, which are provided by places like Planned Parenthood, since the operators of CP Cs ' believe that once pregnant everything must be done to make sure a woman must give birth, but once the baby is born, they are on their own since they risk becoming parasites to the CPC.

Invoked and played for laughs in the chicken industry segment. Look, I know this story has been depressing, and you might be wondering, what can you do?

The only small satisfaction I can give you is letting Sean Connery voice your feelings. Why am I not shurprished, you piece of shit?! A few weeks later, the church is shut down because they received vials and jars of sperm in the mail, and Wanda Jo and John utter the same statement they made the first time, "We ain't interested in your seeds!

Discovered when attempting to debunk the Miss America Pageant's boast of being the largest provider of scholarships for women; despite learning that the organization's monetary claims are severely overinflated and hard to acquire, they nevertheless are technically correct about their base claim, even if the amount is total bunk. John is disappointed by this. In discussing state lotteries, which often claim that the revenue goes to funding education, John points out that most states fail to actually spend more money on education with these programs in place.

Rather, the existence of this revenue is used as an excuse to remove other forms of revenue while allowing education to break even. Lower corporate taxes are just one example of a cut going hand in hand with the gain.

In his segment on smoking, John brings out a correspondence between the tiny country of Togo and Philip Morris International, in which Togo is warned that they would lose any court case, citing the decision of an Australian judge in a previous legal battle. What they failed to mention is that said judge was the lone dissenting voice on a panel that harshly condemned their business practices, and that PMI actually lost that case. One school in the Standardized Testing segment ended up having a reading section on their test about a talking pineapple and hare that was so surreal that it was taken off the test, especially since it was so bizarre no one was able to understand it.

Thailand's unhealthy to the point of hilarity obsession with Hitler. John even suggests entertainer Rip Taylor a moustached and overtly theatrical guy as a substitute. In an episode discussing the aftermath of Parkland, FL school shooting, John showed a clip of an anti-gun control advocate attempting to shift the blame by complaining that modern pop culture wasn't as wholesome as the Andy Griffith Show. John countered this by showing a clip from said show where the title character explains why he Does Not Like Guns , since by carrying a gun his authority as a sheriff would come from fear rather than respect.

In a segment on torture, John recounts how an innocent man, due to being mistaken for a terrorist, was chained to a wall and left to die of hypothermia. In a segment about credit report, is shown that two different women named Judy Thomas were denied credit after wrong reports that mistook each for other Judys with another surname.

And it somehow goes From Bad to Worse , as another one was mistaken for a terrorist and another mistaken for not just a sex offender ] Invoked by John when he sometimes makes jokes at the expense of Nicolas Cage and Robert De Niro regarding some of their more recent work. Ronald McDonald , who apparently blacks out periodically and awakes with his hands covered in human blood. While John refused to apologize to Ecuadorian president Rafael Correa for insulting him, he did apologize to Ecuadorian celebrity clown Tiko Tiko for assuming him to be a generic clown as any good Non-Ironic Clown , Tiko Tiko was offended when John made Monster Clown jokes , because Tiko Tiko scares the crap of him.

When discussing standardized tests, John claims the only other way to inspire such terror in your kids with five letters referring to the "a" through "e" multiple choice bubbles is to whisper "clown", complete with appropriate image. After watching a commercial for an auto loan company, John insists that they not approve the clown featured in it, since clowns are genetically programmed for murder.

When a Scranton area native accuses John of treating them like clowns for his amusement after he did a segment on the train set used by a local news station, John responds that he wouldn't do that, if only because he doesn't think clowns are amusing: Clowns are for murder threats, attempted murder, and actual murder. The main stories often have a lot of this, going from jokes about how ridiculous the subject is to emphasizing just how terrifying the subject is. John argues this is part of the problem with reforming the primary election process: In a segment parodying the hypocrisy of Mother's Day coupled with very little rights and benefits given to mothers in the U.

John in one episode, as a joke, claims he was exiled from England for crying during a screening of The Notebook , while in a later episode he claims that the only times he has ever cried as a grown man was during the rousing speeches given by coaches in sports movies. Infrastructure , a movie where if nothing happens, it's a good thing. After discussing the problems of the bail system, he thinks the reason why many communities haven't implemented pre-trial services is because most people think of bounty hunters like Dog the Bounty Hunter , so John created Pre-Trial Services.

It's cost effective, motherfuckers. When looking for a retirement plan for the show's employees, one of the production companies behind the show, Avalon Television, started with John Hancock.

But the researchers looked further into the plan and realized how much of their money would be gobbled up in fees. After ditching them and setting up a new retirement plan, the show agreed to cover most of the fees because of how embarrassed they were by the crap they put their employees through. Named Like My Name: During the segment on charter schools, John mentions the school Harambee Institute, which was named long before.

He also immediately lampshaded this and pointed out the difference, before he then said "Rest in Peace" to Harambe. For example, a man called Sam Jackson no, not him was mistaken for three sex offenders that shared the same name, one of whom was convicted when he was 3 years old. The show also found two news segments about different women named Judy Thomas who spent years trying to correct errors on their credit reports.

Invoked when John considers the ridiculous line "Socks don't protect my heart", from a sex education video promoting abstinence which compared a woman who had already lost her virginity to heavily used shoes, to be the funniest thing ever said on the show, and he's furious that his people didn't write it.

A Nazi by Any Other Name: Discussed when far-right groups won in European elections in In terms of phrases you never want to hear, ["far-right election victories in Europe"] is right up there with "it's malignant" and "we're losing cabin pressure.

Whenever the United Kingdom is discussed, John will say something related to this. Once he even declared he's known in Britain as "Who? Discussed regarding New Zealand politician Steven Joyce getting a dildo thrown in his face. Although I think we both know this will never be over for you. From now on, your entire life is going to be viewed through a dildonic prism.

John occasionally highlights these. Examples include Eliot Management Corporation boat-jacking an Argentine warship and Phillip Morris International bullying several small countries into backing off from tobacco legislation that might hurt their international sales. John, struggling to keep from laughing, even plays a clip of Melon Kuma's visit to a kindergarten class, where he pretends to bite the screaming, crying children.

Literally in his segment on the North Dakota oil industry. OSHA's inspection division is woefully understaffed and overworked, so the oil industry can get away with a lot of violations.

No Such Thing as Bad Publicity: In a web exclusive, after getting tired of news websites using click-bait headlines that claim he's "destroyed" the various topics on the show, John takes out his frustrations on something which can be objectively broken, not just metaphorically — a piñata. Much like Jon Stewart, he'll preface particularly outrageous truths with "and this is true" or "and this is real!

After making a joke about black hair, John tries to Invoke it by finding out if the joke writer was black. When the writer is revealed to be a white man, he's distraught.

John Oliver's view of the SVI program, which should give up to 1, translators in Afghanistan — people who have had to risk their lives aiding the U.

By now, the ghost of Franz Kafka is thinking, "Don't you dare call this Kafka-esque, I don't want my name anywhere near this shit! Raymond "Shrimp Boy" Chow, a San Francisco Triad leader and arms trafficker who actually took Scarface -esque glamour shots of himself at one point. John thinks this of the NRA, which wields outsized influence for an organization whose membership lags behind that of some national gym chains. He then explains that the reason they're so effective is because their membership is really motivated and has an extremely specific message about gun legislation: John's reaction when he learns that the Thai military government is angry with him, thanks to a previous segment where he made fun of Thailand's then Crown Prince, including calling him an idiot and showing a video with him and his topless wife feeding their dog cake, something so ridiculous he considers it entrapment, because Thailand has a law against lèse-majesté.

Of course, his reaction is to then mock the royal families of the Netherlands, Kuwait, and Denmark , which have similar laws. John has this reaction in his second episode when he finds out that he's going to have to talk about an issue as serious and controversial as the death penalty. He reacts this way to all the stories of America's mismanagement of its nuclear missiles, from near nuclear mishaps to incompetent officials to the ridiculously outdated equipment.

A very genuine, non-rehearsed example: And they know he's there. He looks terrified again later in the same segment after Snowden informs him that John is probably on the NSA's "list" now. Oliver takes a while to digest the terror of either being hunted by the NSA or being stuck in Moscow forever.

In his segment on the wealth gap, Oliver argues that the increasing concentration of wealth in the hands of a rich elite coupled with fewer taxes on inheritance may lead to America developing a "landed gentry" reminiscent of the one that traditionally ruled Oliver's native England.

John even takes it a step further, referring to North Korea as "Earth's Florida". The "Other Countries' Presidents" segment on Tony Abbott naturally features the infamous clip in which Tony, then leader of the opposition party in the Australian Parliament, is questioned by news reporter Mark Riley to contextualize his remark of "shit happens" about a soldier killed in a firefight ; Abbott, in response, falls into a silent panic for half a minute, bobbing his head up and down with his mouth open , then weakly counters, "I've given you the response you deserve".

John plays a clip of Benjamin Netanyahu's speech to the UN, in which he complains about the deal with Iran, and then spends 45 seconds just staring at the delegates.

At one point, three separate tellings are played simultaneously, and his delivery barely changes. Pandering to the Base: Invoked in the Dr. Oz segment; as John demonstrates, you don't need to give unscrupulous testimony to please your audience — George R.

Martin , adorable puppies , ladies catfighting , free T-shirts , Steve Buscemi tap dancing, and a marching corps will do the job even better. Invoked again in the Scottish Independence segment see Grand Romantic Gesture ; when trying to win back Scotland's heart, John does the most stereotypical things imaginable — reluctantly eating haggis, downing a swig of Glenlivet, and enduring bagpipe music.

Once he learns Kenny G is very popular in China, John brings him along to play his sax while trying to calm the Chinese down regarding a naval dispute. When he hears about an auction of pornographic toys in Kansas, John rattles off a number of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz -themed porn titles. Done in either segments about certain companies General Motors denying their cars are death traps , Fanta struggling to not remind viewers of its Nazi Germany origins or to mock the concepts of others tourists are causing damage to Antarctica, so the show made an ad asking "Don't go there!

Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption. With the kicker that — despite being a totally obvious parody of televangelism that says outright its only purpose is to receive donations — it's completely legitimate under current U. The Password Is Always "Swordfish": Discussed with Edward Snowden in a web exclusive outtake from John's interview for the segment on government surveillance, when Snowden notes that simple passwords are so ineffective they are basically pointless.

After discovering he's been put on the Thai government's shit list for mocking the crown prince, John realizes his Thailand vacation is going to be suspended indefinitely. John himself fears not being able to return to America after speaking to Snowden. John Oliver is not a US Citizen, but instead has a green card. He can be denied entry for any number of reasons, and speaking with Snowden is actually a really, really good reason to deny him entry. It thankfully didn't happen.

In response to random people on the street confusing Edward Snowden, the former NSA contractor who leaked many of their secrets, for Julian Assange, the founder of WikiLeaks. Edward Snowden is not the WikiLeaks guy. The WikiLeaks guy is Julian Assange, and you do not want to be confused with him. Partly because he was far less careful than Snowden in what he released and how, and partly because he resembles a sandwich bag full of biscuit dough wearing a Stevie Nicks wig.

And, that is— that is critical, Julian Assange is not a likeable man. Even Benedict Cumberbatch could not make him likable! Discussed and parodied in a segment on the UK Labour Party's misguided use of this for a campaign minibus to attract female voters in the run-up to the Parliamentary elections — while it helps sell toys, the color pink does not automatically garner votes, especially for a leftist party.

Place Worse Than Death: New Hampshire, "where 'live free or die' is a legitimately difficult choice. An entire segment focused on police brutality and accountability , due to the crumbling relations between police and the citizens they are assigned to protect, complete with Precision F-Strike when talking about black students needing classes to understand how not to suffer police brutality. Combined with Captain Obvious when John decides to troll the New York Yankees by reselling premium seats for 25 cents each to buyers who can best dress like they've never sat in a premium seat, in an effort to lower the prestige of the seats.

We are legally bound to [ John presents a montage of jokes about prison rape from sitcoms and comedy films mostly puerile "dropping the soap" gags to demonstrate that Americans care about prisoners so little, they can comfortably joke about a horrifying thing that potentially could happen to any of them.

The egg's going to get fucked against its will! That -- that's why it's funny! Wake up your children and explain that joke to them, they'll love it! If you're getting high in your house , there is a SWAT team outside your house coming to get you, and they have military grade weaponry which they're not properly trained to use. People in Yemen and Pakistan are terrified of sunny days, and probably check the skies more often than an adventurer in Skyrim.

Drones are practically invisible in them. John is briefly taken aback at how Rep. Steve King R-Iowa describes Mexican drug runners as having "calves the size of cantaloupes" from hauling bales of marijuana across the border — it may be an abhorrent, factually incorrect message, but it's still such a beautiful, poetic way to say it.

Putting on the Reich: Invoked in mentioning the swastika-like flag and fascist salute of Greece's nationalist Golden Dawn party, which are so similar to Nazi Germany's symbols and rallies that Hitler could conceivably sue them for infringement of copyright. Lest we forget, when Europe goes far-right, they go far right through Belgium.

When John brings out people from all walks of life to demonstrate why gerrymandering is harmful to democracy, one is a racist grandma. He's quick to warn her not to say anything. In the segment on the NCAA, following an MTV Cribs -style clip showing the opulent football facilities at the University of Alabama illustrating how colleges aggresively use their funds to build stadiums and sports facilities: I never thought I'd say this, but Alabama, stop showing off your ostentatious wealth.

The sentence, "We did it perfectly at the end of The Vietnam War ", regarding resettling refugees who helped the U. Stop hiding in bananas in Pittsburg area Walmarts, get your shit together, and fight terrorism like snakes and bees! I never thought I'd say this, but that intergalactic space lord has a point! Real Song Theme Tune: The opening theme is the opening of "Go" by Valley Lodge.

The presentation and style are almost identical to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart , but concentrating on considerably fewer issues to write more cutting comedy, while The Daily Show runs a lot of fluff pieces. The two shows diverge in that Last Week Tonight does not have correspondents nor includes in-studio or on-location interviews in every episode. John has mentioned a "Janice in Accounting" several times in his hypothetical pseudo-skits on the show, once as the only person who says "everything is wonderful" and that she's so extremely dysfunctional that it's clear she's lying , and second — the typical depiction of her — as that person who "don't give a fuck", and will eat anything out of the employee freezer including a euthanized lion corpse , give lame Secret Santa gifts, win an office fantasy league while not caring about sports, and take over China's artificial islands!

Janice played by writer Jill Twiss even appeared in the season one finale. The segment on prisoner re-entry examines the numerous barriers which make it harder for parolees to start anew; most notably, being asked whether they'd ever been convicted, to the point that one state actually gives tips on how to answer such questions without directly referencing their prison time. As a reward for his viewers sitting through a segment on capital punishment only two episodes in, John shows a video of tiny hamsters eating tiny burritos.

Following his segment on abortion, John plays a video of sloths in a bucket, and subsequently brings out an animal trainer who puts a live sloth on his desk in a nightcap to help viewers sleep. Steve Scully, "the most patient man on television," apparently deals with his crazy callers by retreating into images of space, animals, and plants before a spirit deer informs him that it's time to start paying attention again. The vagina is what's left.

Rooting for the Empire: Invoked and discussed during the segment on municipal violations, where John plays a clip of a deputy in Orange County tossing out suspended traffic licenses most of which were due to insolvent owners given small fines while dressed in a Grinch costume, then remarks that it's not a good idea to try and garner sympathy for your cause when you're play-acting as a misanthropic villain who steals from people.

Deconstructed in his segment on monarchies, as Oliver argued that generations of inbreeding coupled with a privileged upbringing can result in the heir either being a potential tyrant or a weak monarch. John feels the only way to get people to do something about the hilariously exorbitant Loophole Abuse regarding stadiums and their troubles is to give a fake halftime speech.

In the segment about doping, John describes cyclists who have hidden urine-filled condoms in their anuses and covered them with fake hair, saying their coach must've given one hell of a pre-race speech to get them to do that. Highlighting a country on a map, then saying "a country you think about so little For example, when the race horse California Chrome lost the chance to win the Triple Crown, he puts up a picture of the other horse and says "I wanted a different horse!

Making up Twitter hashtags based on random jokes e. Their most common is to include the pair " Feminism, [completely unrelated topic]" to anything remotely related to women.

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